Annoyed.

It has been almost 2 months now since I had my stomach removed. Wow! I can sum up my feelings at the moment with one word...annoyed. I am annoyed that I am not able to eat 'normally'. I am annoyed that I cannot skull a big glass of water. I am annoyed that one day I will manage some foods just fine, and the next, not be able to tolerate them. I am annoyed that I can feel nauseous for a whole day. And I am annoyed that I look so great, and feel so physically great but cannot hold down those first few mouthfuls of food at a meal time.

Part of me knows that this is a phase. But gee its annoying!!!!

Even more annoying is the fact that for the first 6 weeks post surgery, I seemed to eat anything and everything that I tried with good results. It stayed down. But now, I take one or two mouthfuls and I am overcome with nausea as the food feels as though it 'gets stuck going down' and I need to bring it back up again. This feeling can last from anywhere from a few minutes to 45 minutes at its worst.

I have made an appointment to see the surgeon in another week or so. I feel that he will probably say that this is all part of my body readjusting to its new plumbing. A part of me needs some reassurance that everything is ok.

I am still discovering new foods and drinks that I seem to be able to tolerate well...the latest being banana smoothies...yummy! When I have a day where my food intake has been barely anything at all, I make sure that the next day, I resort to more soft foods like poached eggs on toast and homemade pumpkin soup. Maybe I am expecting too much of myself, too soon.

I have lost just over 10 kilos (22.7 pounds) and am sitting on the high end of my BMI Scale. I can 'afford' to lose another 6 kilos (13 pounds) before I will start to look 'too thin' or gaunt. The good side is that I am now fitting back into my regular wardrobe (gained 12 kilos prior to the surgery) and I am feeling more comfortable weight wise.

Weight loss doesn't worry me at the moment, I would just like to feel great on the inside.

I must say that it was at about the 6 week mark, I remember waking one morning thinking to myself, "ooh, I don't have any belly pain". It was as though my body had recovered physically from the stitching and incisions. This is a good thing. I am still careful though, not to pick up the kids for too long, and especially not to carry them around.

It took me almost a whole afternoon to make 3 beds and vacuum the house! I took my time but still felt a little strained on the inside near to the larger of my incisions. I was too tired to mop the floors after that effort so that will have to wait for another day.

My new version of washing the car is just hosing it off. Oh, and don't eat at your Tupperware Parties Tammy; I ate a small piece of a chocolate muffin that I had demonstrated at a party the other day and I had a terrible wave of nausea come over me... I walked away from the guests promptly and busied myself with my packing. They were none the wiser....and I am so glad that nothing else eventuated from that 'taste test'.

I might go and make some popcorn soon, that will be a nice late night snack....

'Diet for life'.

The novelty is wearing off now. In the first couple of weeks since my gastrectomy, eating and drinking was all new, and wondering each day 'what will I try today?' was almost fun. Its not fun anymore. For the past 15 years I have been on countless diets, gaining and losing around 6 - 10 kilos each effort. Since my gastrectomy, I feel as though I have been on another diet, only now, it has hit me that this 'diet' is FOR LIFE. I am sad that eating and drinking will never be the same again. Because I feel so great (and normal!?!), I sometimes attack my food with the same gusto that I used to, until I forget to chew enough and it gets 'stuck' going down and a wave a nausea and pain overcomes me. Last night whilst eating my lovely homemade lasagna, I made the same mistake and after the first mouthful, found myself vomitting over the kitchen sink. This in itself was an usual experience (only that mouthful came up) as it was the first and only time that I had vomitted since leaving hospital. (Whilst in hospital I vomitted saliva 2 or 3 times during those first sips of fluids).

When I wake in the morning, my 'tummy' feels fine and settled and I can manage to eat my bowl of porridge beautifully. But as the day goes on and I eat more food, the gurgling and bubbling increases. I am getting used to it. Sometimes it lasts for 20 minutes after eating, sometimes up to an hour. This is rather annoying for someone who loves their food! Its a strange feeling to not have an appetite too, but this does not bother me. Occassionally I have felt something and wondered 'was that my tummy rumbling?', knowing full well that it wasn't. I finally got my period after an absence of about 7 weeks. That was a little concerning but not shocking; my body has just been through some trauma. I know that this will be making me feel a little more tired than usual this week. And perhaps my B12 stores are lessoning now too. (It also doesn't help that I stay up too late at night!).

My weight seems to have stabilised for the moment. I have lost about 8 kilos. I thought that I may have lost more by now. (I do have a little excess and can certainly do with losing about another 6 kilos). And I still haven't sorted out my 'fluid intake'. When I did the shopping the other day, I bought about 6 different types of drinks, ranging from sustagen and gatorade (powders), to ribena, cordial and soft drinks. I feel that I need to drink more and often feel thirsty. Oh, and I bought some ice blocks which I just LOVE, particularly the Frosty Fruits. I have gone off ice cream for the moment, one of my favourite past times, and I still haven't had a coffee. It just smells foul! This is difficult as I so REALLY loved my morning coffee. I can manage to drink about a third of a cup of sweet tea and will put some chamomile tea on the shopping list for next week (willing to give anything a go!).

Well today I feel much better than I did yesterday, and will endeavour to get to bed earlier from here on in!

All is Well !

Well I cannot believe how remarkably well I am! My life is almost back to normal..... It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since I had my stomach removed. A lot has happened since then, and every new day has certainly been better than the last. I met with my surgeons last week, they were just delighted with my recovery so far. I had the J-tube removed (yay!). I won't be needing any tube feeding anytime soon; I am eating so very well! My pathology results were clear; although I can't remember all of the details so will request a copy of this soon.

I have been to a couple of work meetings, although this only involved sitting down for most of the day, I managed just fine. I have been out for dinner and did a little bit of dancing! I've helped out at a BBQ Fundraiser, spent a full day out at Willowbank Raceway, been to a fair, and done grocery shopping. I started driving again about a week and a half ago, with some little trips to start with. I do know my limits and find myself taking that 30 minute nap in the afternoon if I feel like it. But that is not everyday.

Sometimes I wonder if my 'bubble is going to burst' and I will crash all of a sudden one day soon...I have just exceeded my 'recovery expectations' so much! It took mum such a long long time to get to where I am at the moment (14-15 months) and she suffered terribly with dumping syndrome, not being able to eat a large variety of foods and dramatic weight loss. To date I have lost 8 kilos, 4 of those whilst in hospital. I am eating whatever I like; just smaller portions. I find that breads, pastas and rice fill me up quicker than they used, or maybe its just that they are taking longer to break down than before. Not sure. I haven't had any alcohol, nor do I have the desire, and I haven't gone back to coffee. (I missed it for the first few weeks). But I do enjoy a half a cup of tea every now and then.

I find it difficult to drink water and consequently had a mild urinary tract infection strike me at the end of last week. I can drink my glass or two of sustagen each day with no worries, but water just doesn't go down well. Will keep practising. Ice cream goes down well!

My kids have been great....Cooper is such a compassionate, caring soul. He kisses me goodnight and tells me 'I hope you feel better really soon mum'. I caught him singing a song to himself the other day, it was very tuneful...some of the lyrics were, 'and my mummy had her stomach removed...and grandma and grandpa came to look after us when mummy was in hospital....and grandma did mummy's jobs...'. Its very cute (for a 4yr old) and makes me laugh and feel very loved. Zara is more into the technical side of things, throwing out comments like 'did they take your belly out mum?' and 'but I can still see it'. A very inquisitive soul, who has also tried to take advantage of mummy and got out of going to day care because of comments like 'but I neeeeeeeed you mummy' (tears included). I am so very glad that I have been so open and honest with my children, as young as they are.... And so my life now goes on, with swimming lessons for the kids tomorrow morning, a business meeting for me tomorrow night and an all day sports day at Cooper's kindy on Wednesday! And tomorrow I shall feel better than I did today........

'One week later....'

I had a mini melt down last Tuesday, 14th July 2009; but it wasn't until I had been admitted into the hospital and went up to the theatre department and started changing into my 'theatre robe'. There were a few tears as I waited on the theatre trolley and as I said good bye to Mark as I was wheeled away to theatre.....I barely remember Tuesday evening. I know Mark was there, holding my hand. I barely remember Wednesday and Thursday either....Friday was a really crappy day. I was connected to sooooo many different things; the nasal gastric tube was really uncomfortable, a catherdar, drainage tube, feeding tube, canular drip with fluids and morphene. I think I was really 'aware' of eveything Friday; but I just kept thinking that today will be over soon, and every new day will be different and I will be a little brighter and stronger.

Mark visited every night except Sunday - he deserved a night off. No, I did not make it out by the weekend. I came home last night, Tuesday 21st July 09 at about 6.30pm. It was so much more comfortable being at home to sleep. So, out on day 8. (The doctors wanted me to stay until this morning but I just didn't want to spend another night in.....). Sunday was a lovely day of rest, and a day of getting rid of most of my attachments, with the remainder coming off, or out, Monday morning. I showered myself both Sunday and Monday mornings....I even washed my hair Monday - that felt great! And getting into my own PJ's certainly felt great too.

My belly looks fine....3 tiny incisions which are uncovered and healing beautifully - they look like fine scratches. The 4th incision is 7cms long, running across the left mid section of my belly, and again is uncovered and healing well. The drain sight is covered - this one may take a little while to heal. I also have a tiny feeding tube inserted into my lower bowl that I am to carry around with me for the next 6 weeks....more on that one later.

I almost cried when mum rang me in hospital yesterday and I said "I'm eating...". I'm eating! Yes, I am eating; today I had a vitabrit (cereal), some yoghurt, a boiled egg, some roasted vegies....not much, but I know that this will improve. Don't want to stay up too late so I will wrap it up for now. I am a little amazed that the only pain killers I have to take are some soluble panadol when I need it....will go and do that now.x

A toast......

We all went out for dinner tonight......Mark (my husband), the kids & I. When our drinks arrived, Mark & I toasted to 'my last restaurant meal with a stomach'. It still doesn't feel real. Every now and then I catch myself 'daydreaming' about what I will 'feel like' next week, laying in the hospital bed, wondering, how much pain will I really be in....? My goal is to be out by the weekend...we'll see how my body reacts. I pick up my in-laws from the airport on Monday; they will be here for 2 weeks. The day they leave is the day my sister-in-law arrives. It is actually very reassuring to me knowing that someone will be living in our home and taking care of Mark & the kids for me, for 3 weeks. Mark's family is so very generous and un-selfish in this regard. And my mum is just around the corner....and she would do anything to help out where she can. I managed to have my blood tests on Thursday afternoon when I picked up my beautiful sister Trudy from the hospital. She had a gorgeous baby boy on Wednesday morning and I was fortunate enough to have the honour of being with her through the delivery. It was the most remarkable experience! One that I will cherish forever.... I did my last Tupperware party today and it was really lovely. I really enjoyed it! I punched all the orders this afternoon so I might even get a chance to clean the oven tomorrow..... after I wash the car and do the floors, the dusting and attack that huge pile of ironing!

One week to go.....

I rang the hospital today to confirm that I have confirmed my surgery.....what the? I have no idea why I did that. I started drinking the Nestle 'Impact Advanced Recovery' Pre-Surgery nutritional drinks today. The dietitian from the Royal Brisbane & Womens Hospital sent them to me....they taste like a thicker version of Sustagen. Luckily, I like Sustagen. Even though I have had quite some time to prepare, I seem to be cramming a lot into this week. Finalising work issues, haircuts for the kids, vet check for the dog (he even got a bath on the weekend!), waxing, tinting, grocery shopping; I've even done some Christmas shopping and have the kids birthday gifts sorted! Need to finalise my tax and clean the oven. I have eaten at my favourite restaurants and had my favourite take-aways, twice. I enjoyed mum's Pierogi's (a traditional Polish dish of cabbage, potato & noodle), twice. I've had plenty of white wine and beer, and too many packets of cheese & onion chips. Needless to say, I have gained 10 kilos. (I worry now that this may hinder my recovery in some way). I must remember to have my blood tests on Friday. I wonder when this is all going to sink in...................